I have been following some blogs throughout the year without actually doing any blogging myself. My blog kinda-sorta materialized last summer, and while I had aspirations of maintaining it throughout the school year, I lost the motivation to write regularly for an audience (although a very tiny audience!). I kept up my highly irregular Google Doc “diary,” but just didn’t feel like it was the right time to share it with other people. Looking back, however, I don’t think there was ever a right or wrong time. And, with summer vacation starting and my contact with other people besides my family drastically reducing, I’ve felt a bit (or a lot) lonely, and really want to develop my sense of community somehow. I’ve thought about camping out at a nearby Starbucks by the local community college, just so I can be in the company of other people my age… but that would require (my conscience) to purchase a drink, and my budget usually won’t allow it. 🙂
So, I’m going to try to post here on a fairly consistent basis (hopefully, hopefully): both to build community and get some of my thoughts out, which my brain would probably appreciate. I haven’t written in a while, so I’ve decided to prompt myself into doing so: a fairly simple (but hopefully somewhat relatable) list of things I’m loving, and also some things I’m generally struggling with. There’s always some brown spots on life’s bananas… but you have to recognize that they’re there in order to make banana bread (cringing at that one just a bit!).
(I’m interspersing the loves and the struggles, to avoid making a positive/negative divide… they just are what they are!)
Struggle #1: I am struggling with my art!
I’ve always been into art, but I was definitely a lower-key artsy kid, avoiding both the dyed hair and piercings at age 11 (although I finally caved in and got a nose piercing at 20!). I’ve been feeling nostalgic about the spontaneity and irregularity that characterized my childhood art-making days: randomly, I would be struck with an idea, I’d sit down and draw/paint/mold it without a reference or music or a podcast playing in the background, and finish and be fully satisfied with my work. The idea in my head was enough to keep me going, and I didn’t need any background noise or fastidious planning and measurements to make sure my work looked accurate and “just right.”
These days, it’s just not so. I don’t really have a drive to create anything for me, seeing as most of what I do now are portraits commissions and other things that are supposed to be marketed toward a general audience. I haven’t really figured out a solution for this yet, or at least some kind of coping method, but would love to hear from other artists or creatives (which is really everyone) on what they do when facing creative crises. 🙂
Love #1: Lenny and Larry’s Choc-o-Mint Protein Cookie
…I know it’s probably better to bake your own protein cookies from scratch, but I’m not a huge baker (yet), and I love these cookies. They make dense, sizable cookies which are my FAVORITE kind of cookies. This new flavor is the bomb.com. Also, I microwaved a peanut butter flavored Lenny and Larry’s cookie this morning, and it was a good idea.
Struggle #2: Loneliness!
I think this is largely correlated with coming home for the summer after wrapping up my sophomore year of college. I miss my suitemates and other college friends, I don’t have a ton of high school friends in the area (my closest two friends from high school are big travelers, so I see them very rarely), and I’m already beginning to look forward to the next semester. Current combatants to loneliness include: hanging out with my younger siblings when they’re available, and listening to podcasts (specifically, the Stuff You Should Know podcast; I feel like I know those guys!!).
Love #2: My friends.
With my loneliness comes the realization that I have truly wonderful, awesome people in my life (there’s the banana bread). It makes me excited to return to school in the fall, and grateful that there are people who love and appreciate me just as much as I love and appreciate them! Friends are awesome, yay college! A huge progression from my first year of college, for sure.
That is all for now, but I hope whoever stumbles upon this might relate to some of this! I would love to hear from any of you, and hope that you have a wonderful, fantastic Memorial Day (if you’re in the USA…) and week ahead! 🙂